Lessons in Waiting

How often do we just sit around waiting?

Waiting for what exactly?

...waiting for the next big event at school.

...waiting for graduation.

...waiting for college.

...waiting for a job. 

...waiting for a wedding.

...waiting to have children.

I distinctly remember my 23rd birthday being difficult.

I wasn't married, with kids, living in a nice house with a cute little white picket fence like I thought I'd be by 23. I wasn't even dating anyone. I had a job that didn't make much money. And while I definitely did enjoy it, it wasn't the job I wanted long term. I was 4 months from my college graduation. So I still didn't have my diploma in hand. ...which meant I wasn't a teacher yet, like others my age. 

I know it was wrong of me. But y'all, I was honestly jealous of others who had what I so truly and desperately wanted. And I just remember crying out to God one night, literally and quite dramatically, saying...

It's not fair God. I've served you for almost my entire life. I've waited so long... I've had to take longer than most to graduate because I literally couldn't afford to go any faster. I've watched friend after friend, and people younger than me too, get married and have babies, while I'm still all alone, dreaming of the day when I'll have that too.

 So here I am God.

Here I am still waiting...

Well, time has gone on now. 

My 23rd birthday was over 8 years ago. 

And I'm still in that same bit of a waiting mode. 

I do have the dream job. I'm a teacher. ...have been for quite a while.

But there's still no husband. ...no kids. ...no white picket fence. 

So I wait. 

 

And you know...

I would totally be lying if I said I never have moments of weakness. 

Moments when I feel the emptiness from what I don't have... 

In fact, this very weekend, as I held a tiny, 1 month old, baby while her mom played music during a worship service, I felt that same little twinge. The one that makes me think...

Oh I wish...

But it was while holding that precious little one in my arms that God spoke to my heart, ever so clearly, saying...

 

Be patient. I hear your prayers. I see your heart. My timing is perfect. 

Trust me.

We serve such a big God. And I know it's crazy not to always trust in His goodness. He knows my heart. He's seen my tears. He's heard my prayers. 

He KNOWS.

And it was in that worship service that God revealed that to me yet again in such an incredibly sweet and genuinely precious way. It was such a small (yet at the same time, big) reminder of His amazing love and His tender care for me and my heart. 

So while I continue to wait for what God has next for my life... 

I'll cling to His amazing goodness. 

I'll hold strong to His unfailing love.

I'll remember His awesome promises.