On this day, 7 years ago, my dad passed away.
It was the day before my dad’s 56th birthday.
And it was only 9 days before my parents' 31st anniversary.
Some days it still feels just like yesterday. And other days it feels like it's been an eternity. I suppose that is just how grief is...
My dad loved the Lord with all his heart. And he loved sharing about the Lord with anyone who would listen. In fact, my dad preached his last sermon from his hospital bed exactly one week before he passed away. Using Romans 8:18 as his primary verse, he reminded us that, though we may experience suffering and pain here on earth, we can trust in the hope of our Savior. We can trust in the knowledge that if we are saved, we will experience that glory that is beyond compare. And now, today, I am so incredibly thankful that his words are permanently etched into my memory.
But some days... Some days I still wish I could call or send him an email when I have a question about the Bible. Or when I want fatherly advice on a situation I'm in the middle of. Or when I want him to join in celebrating some accomplishment or another. Or when I want to ask him to pray for me, knowing he would do so immediately before even getting off the phone with me…
Some days I struggle more than others. Lately, it's been a lot. And while I had 29.5 years with my dad, I'm annoyed/sad that's all I got. Lately, I wonder why... I wonder why he had to pass away so young. I wonder why our family had to deal with this huge loss. I wonder why, if I ever get married or have children, he'll never get to meet them. I wonder why my mom has to be a widow. I wonder why my nieces will have such few memories of my dad - a man who absolutely, positively loved being a Pawpaw to those girls.
And then, I think about what I did/do have. I'm thankful for a Christian heritage he continued with our family. I'm thankful for the love of learning he passed down.
I'm thankful for 29.5 years worth of happy memories.
I'm thankful, that even though, I'll never get to experience having him at my own possible wedding or births of possible future children, I got to see the joy/pride/love he showed on the day of my brother and sister-in-law's wedding and of all the time he joyfully spent with my beautiful nieces.
I'm thankful for so much.
And yes, I do still miss him terribly.
But, I can smile, thinking of him hanging out with Jesus and talking to all the people from the Bible whom he loved to read/study/preach about for all those years. What a fun time that must be!
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I've written memories-filled posts every year on the anniversary of his death, which can be found below. While still sad, it's nice for me to be able to look back and remember how God's been with me through the past years' anniversaries...
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