2 Years

It's been 2 years.

It's been 2 whole years since my dad passed away. 

Yet, it feels like just yesterday. 

It was a Sunday. 

...which in a way, seemed fitting. 

After all, Sunday was usually my dad's most favorite day of the week. 

He was a pastor and loved the ministry. He loved sharing the gospel with anyone who'd listen. In fact, he delivered his last sermon just a week before, from his hospital bed. He was so weak, fading in and out, but the Spirit moved mightily.

My sweet dad had been suffering for quite some time. We had hit the painful point where we prayed that God would either heal him here on earth or, in His infinite grace, take my dad on home to Heaven. That's part of the joy in knowing someone's relationship with Christ is solidified. You know that where they're going when they die is far better than the life they're living right now. After all, as Christians, Heaven is our ultimate home.

But I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt.

It was, and still is, the most intense pain I've ever felt in my life.

I lost one of the people I loved most in this world. 

I lost a hero. I lost an inspiration. I lost an advice giver. I lost an encourager and a supporter. I lost the one who was always up for a spontaneous roadtrip. I lost the one who'd print out and go over directions with me to make sure I knew exactly how to get to a new destination. I lost the one who'd pretend fight my mom to be the first one to hug me when I returned to the States from Senegal. I lost the one who'd quickly turn away as I walked towards the security line at the airport, but slowly enough that I always saw a tear fall from his eye. I lost the one who'd send emails full of Bible verses, which were just what I needed to read at just the right time. I lost an amazing prayer warrior.

But most of all...

I lost my dad.

I once read a quote which said...

 "Grief is like the ocean. It comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it's overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim."

And here we are 2 years later and I can honestly say this quote is still true. 

Grief is a bizarre thing. It typically doesn't stay with you 100% of the time. It comes and goes. Sometimes it's barely even there, not noticeable at all. And other times... At other times, it crashes like an intense wave, knocking your feet out from under you.

And you know...

I do so miss that man. And it is so hard to think of all the things my dad will miss. It's hard to think of a future that will continue to not include him in it. 

But at the same time, I know that there is a bittersweet tradeoff, so to speak.

When my dad got to Heaven, he was, for the first time in over 10 years, free from the issues that came with taking dialysis, free of taking medicine, free of sickness and pain. I wouldn't dare wish him back here. Heaven beats out this crazy earth any day. 

So I'll continue to ride the waves of grief.

I'll continue to rejoice in the good times and the bad. I'll continue to thank my Heavenly Father for providing the comfort and peace that can only come from above. 

And more than anything...

I'll continue to remember one of the most amazing men that ever lived. 

My sweet Daddy