Thursday, April 30, 2015

Hello May


It's a little less than an hour from being May, so that means it's time to say...


What am I saying hello to this month?

...finishing IEPs!


...Special Olympics!


...the end of the school year!


...my youngest niece's first birthday! 


...going to Dakar!


So what are you saying hello to in May?

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

What's Up Wednesday


Happy Wednesday Y'all! This week I'm linking up with The Larson Lingo, Mix & Match Family, and Pinterest Told Me To for this week's What's Up Wednesday post. Want to join along? Grab the image below and add it to your own What's Up Wednesday post.

*List found here.*

What I'm eating this week...

My mom and I are still eating off of the food that many family members, neighbors, and friends have so generously given us recently. Between that and so many home cooked veggies in the freezer, we're set for a while :)

What I'm reminiscing about...

I spend most of my free time (what little I have) reminiscing about time spent with my dad. Dealing with this loss has proven to be so incredibly much more difficult than I ever thought it'd be. I know it takes time. But man is this hard.

What I'm loving...

I'm loving the generosity and kindness of family and friends. I love seeing all the different ways people have blessed my family and myself throughout this painful process. I love how God uses His children to bless others.

What I've been up to...

It's IEP time at work. OH MY WORD... Do you know a Special Ed. teacher? If so, give them a hug. ...or a gift. ...or a raise. They so deserve it! When these next 2 weeks are over, I plan to not even look at my computer for a few days :)

What I'm dreading...

Allergy season is upon us. I'm dreading the way pollen attacks my eyes and nose and throat. Boo :(

What I'm working on...

Have I mentioned how my time at work is totally consumed with all things IEP? Testing, paperwork, getting signatures, gathering data, checking this, double checking that, and the list goes on and on...

What I'm excited about...

...getting on that plane 4 weeks from today :)

What I'm watching/reading...

Since I've had to bring work home with me a lot here lately, I haven't had too much time for any of this, but I had to make time for 19 Kids and Counting last night to feed my Duggar family addiction :)

As for reading... I've started a book, Mrs. Lincoln's Dressmaker, which I love. But I just haven't had time to sit and read much of it lately. I'm hoping to have a little more time for that this weekend.

What I'm listening to...

I've been listening to the music in my "Worship" playlist on shuffle a lot lately. As odd as it may sound, I have been just craving worship music ever since everything happened with my dad. And you know, I've had God speaking to me so much through the lyrics of these songs. What a blessing they've been!

What I'm wearing...

Walking up and down stairs all day at work + comfy shoes = a lifesaver for my poor, almost 30 years old feet :)

What I'm doing this weekend...

My mom and I are planning to go to breakfast Saturday morning and then run some errands while in town. Then we're having supper with my brother, sister-in-law, and nieces. The add in church on Sunday and throw in a nap or two and before you know it, the weekend will be over.

What I'm looking forward to next month...

Guess what happens exactly 4 weeks from today... Yep! That's right. I leave for Dakar. 2 weeks spent in the place I've been homesick for every since I stepped on the plane to leave last June. I can't wait!

What else is new...

Not a whole lot. 

Sunday, April 26, 2015

How am I doing

How are you feeling?

You doing okay?

You doing all right today?

How are you doing? No, how are you really doing?

Ugh!

I hate those questions. 

What I want to reply is... 

How do you think I'm doing?!

How do I feel?! I feel horrible! 

Am I doing okay?! No! I'm most definitely not!

But I don't say any of that. Instead, I just say...

I'm okay. Thanks for asking :)

And all the while I keep a smile pasted on my face and try to keep up the illusion that everything is A-ok. 

It's frustrating. I'm tired of pretending that everything's okay. I'm tired of smiling and acting like nothing's wrong. I'm tired of denying the pain I'm feeling.

I don't feel okay.

I don't feel all right.

I feel horrible. 

I feel sad.

I'm hurting.

I'm in pain. 

I'm a Christian. I was raised in church. I've been going since I was a baby. I, myself, am a certified minister. I read and study the Bible. I worship. I pray.

I know what's supposed to happen...

I know I'm supposed to just pray and give my pain to God. 

I know I'm supposed to keep myself busy and focus on other things. 

But I'm having trouble doing all of that.

I just want to go somewhere all by myself and be away from everybody. I just want time with me and God and some peace and quiet. 

I want to find a way to somehow be okay with all of this.

I want to not be sick at the thought of going back to work and moving forward with my life.

I want to attend a beautiful wedding and not think about my future which will now not include my Daddy at my own wedding.

I just want my life back.

I don't write any of this for pity. Please don't feel sorry for me. 

Just pray. Pray for me, my family, my dad's church, our friends, and anyone else saddened by his death.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Beauty in Pain

In the midst of the pain, I've seen little moments of beauty.

Moments like...

...the first rose blooming outside my parents' house.


...new life sprouting from the ground.


...a 2 1/2 year old having the time of her life with some "fowers" :)


...hearing my 11 month old niece say "Zizzie" for the first time on a hard day.


...having family, friends, and neighbors bring meal after meal to our house during this time of loss.


Tuesday, April 21, 2015

My Heart


That's my dad and me this past Father's Day.

God knows I loved that man. 

And now...

Now he's gone. Just like that. He's gone.

As for me?

I'm here. ...externally processing and baring my heart and soul once again for all to see.

It's hard.

On the one hand, I'm so happy for him. 

He suffered so much these past few years that we're all so grateful He's finally in Heaven with our Savior. What a blessing to spend your birthday in Heaven, dancing on the streets of gold! I love that!

But on the other hand, I'm so sad. I'm so truly, utterly broken hearted. I feel like a hundred pound weight is sitting on my chest, just crushing it. It hurts that bad. 

I'm happy. But I'm sad.

I'm rejoicing. But I'm mourning.

I'm grateful. But I'm sorrowful.

I'm at peace. But I'm in pain.

I'm missing that sweet man so indescribably much. 

But you know...

I wouldn't call him back from his eternal heavenly home for anything in this world.


I'm going to miss you Daddio. 

Monday, April 20, 2015

People



Throughout this whole horribly painful experience my family's gone through, we've noticed something...

There have been countless people who've showed their love to my family and myself.

Some in big ways. Some in little ways.

People like...

...the ones who slipped money into my mom's hand as they left my dad's hospital room, each saying they know how expensive it is to stay such a long time in the hospital.

...the nurses and PCAs who would listen to my mom's questions and cries and show patience while offering encouragement.

...the people who visited, hung out with us in the different waiting rooms, talked with us, laughed and reminisced with us.

...the couple who took notice of my overwhelmed plea for help regarding my taxes and referred me to their guy, even offering to help cover his fee if needed.

...the guy who got my information and took less than 24 hours to do my taxes AND notice something I'd missed in years past, helping me to get a nicely sized refund.

...the friend who sent a Starbucks card, giving me the gift of Chai Tea Lattes :)

...the people who sent cards in the mail, Facebook messages, and emails saying they were praying.

...the friend who sent a sweet little gift in the mail saying, I hope this brings a smile to your face.

...the people who shared sweet messages, thanking my dad for impacting their lives as Believers in Jesus Christ.

...the sweet hospice nurse who loved on my dad and my family up until the end. 

...the family and friends who brought groceries, meals, and paper products to our house.

...my brother's and my bosses who have encouraged us and had no problem with us taking off to be with family at such a critical time.

...all the hugs and I love you's. 

...all the I'm praying for you's.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Wordy Wednesday


1. Grief


Grief has always been like culture shock for me. I'm fine at the beginning. I keep things bottled up inside for the most part, crying very little. Then, boom! It's hits me like a crushing wave later on down the road. Can we all just acknowledge that it's okay to grieve? And if anyone wants to convince my brain of that, I'd be much appreciative :)

2. Pain/Peace


One of my friends posted the above on Facebook this morning. I've been so confused because I feel peace about what's about to happen. But at the same time, I still feel immense sadness and pain. It's such a weird place to be...

3. Standardized Tests


Let me just say that I absolutely positively HATE standardized tests! And I hate them even more on behalf of my sweet babies in Special Ed. And that's all I'll say about that.

4. Busy


Between writing 13 IEPs, doing one AAA, teaching, paperwork, and everything else going on right now, I'm so ridiculously busy at work right now. 

5. Hope


Hope. 

Simply put... 

It's what I cling to. 

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Lessons

Give your students Oreo donuts from Krispy Kreme and they'll think you're the coolest teacher ever.

The fear of the unknown is a very scary thing.

I'm pretty sure I speak for all drivers when I say this... Alabama needs to bring back full-service gas stations. 

Get to know the candidates in an election. What's their agendas? Where do they stand on "hot" issues? How will them being elected affect you? Don't just vote because of them being Democrat or Republican. 

It makes no sense to individualize a student curriculum and instruction and then force them to take a standardized test.

Standardized tests stink. Just sayin' 

Packing your lunch and totebag for work the night before is a wise decision for a teacher to make.

If possible, always work ahead. You never know when you might have to be out.

Wearing a new outfit and getting lots of compliments can definitely brighten a girls day.

A piece of mail can bring a smile to a person's face. 2 pieces of mail? Even better!

Exhaustion can be physical, mental, emotional, or any combination of the three.

Being a Daddy's girl is a cherished role held by a daughter.

Ignore rude people. Focus on the good.

5 minutes seems like nothing at night when about to go to sleep. But 5 minutes in the morning when you wake up seems like an eternity.

Monday, April 6, 2015

Beyond Me

Too often we post only the good of our lives online. Celebrations, milestones, life as a bed of roses...

But you know. Life isn't perfect all the time. Bad stuff... Hard stuff happens sometimes. 


And right now... Right now my family is facing the hardest thing we've ever faced. And you know what? 

It stinks. ...big time!

But through it all...through the pain...the heartache...the moments of asking Why God... Through it all, I know that my hope is in the Lord.


My dad's in the ICU. We've been told he's nearing the end. He's on oxygen, fluids, and pain meds. He's still a bit uncomfortable. But he's actually sleeping!

It's so emotionally exhausting...


I say that I am prepared to "let him go." But it's hard. 

When he agreed to the DNR during check-in, the reality hit me...

And this reality is harder than anything I could have ever imagined. 


Yes, he's going to a better place. Yes, his suffering will be gone. But it's still hard...


The selfish part of me wants to keep him here. I want him to walk me down the aisle. ...to meet my children. 


But the realistic part of me wants and knows what's best for him. 

I don't want this prolonged any more. I don't want this once strong and vibrant man to just lay up and suffer. 


I want my dad to either be healed here on earth or go on and be healed up in Heaven. I want the pain gone.

Truthfully, I just want the Lord's Will to be done.


I pray daily for his strength and healing. ...for strength for my mom, brother, and me. 


Toby Mac's song, Beyond Me, says...

"You take me to the place where I know I need You. Straight to the depths that I can't handle on my own. And the Lord I know, I know I need You. So take me to Your great... Take me to Your great unknown. It's way beyond me. It's way beyond me."

So yes... This that I'm dealing with is way BEYOND ME. 

So I know I can't make it on my own.


Lord, it's beyond me. It's what You can (and will) do. Help me to trust in you...to put my hope in you.

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Resurrection Sunday


Can you imagine? 

3 days prior they'd buried their Son...their Friend...their Leader...their Brother...their Savior. 

The sadness of watching his horrific death on that cross...

And why? 

It was for them...for us...for all mankind.

He CHOSE to die. He CHOSE to take the place for us. 

He LOVED us so much that He DIED for us. 

And in 3 days...


He AROSE!


He fulfilled His PROMISE and ROSE from the dead on the third day.


Jesus loves you so much! 

Proof? He gave His life for you. 

He did it so you could be forgiven of your sins. 

He did it so you could have eternal life with Him in Heaven.

He didn't have to. But He chose to.


If you're reading this and don't have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ but would like to... 

It's as simple as ABC.

A - Admit you're a sinner. 

B - Believe Jesus died on the cross and rise on the third day for YOU.

C - Confess your sins and ask Jesus to forgive you of them. 

Ask Jesus to come into your heart and wipe it clean. Ask Him to live with you forever.


Still have questions? Send me an email at enichols85@gmail.com. I'd love to talk with you.




Saturday, April 4, 2015

Lessons

Starting your work day with a clean desk is a nice feeling.

Sometimes there just aren't enough hours in the day...

The majority of the world still has a lot to learn about Autism.

The day a non-verbal child finally speaks a simple word is a monumental occasion.

A bouncy house can keep a 2 1/2 year old occupied for hours and hours.

Candid photos are often better than professional, staged ones.

Spoil a dog long enough and she'll forget she's not human.

You can say you don't care what people think. But it still hurts to hear a hurtful remark.

And then on the opposite end - Hearing a compliment can totally make your day.

At 2 a.m., Walmart is delightfully quiet, calm, and not busy.

Hearing a parent make the decision for a DNR order is tough.

People don't realize how much a visit, a call, an email, a prayer all mean when you're in the hospital.

The unknown in a situation is often the hardest part.

Sometimes laughing is the only way to keep yourself from crying.

A good boss is a gift.

The family of God is huge!

What is it?

So what is it about Senegal that you like so much?

Yesterday I was asked this by a co-worker. When I opened my mouth to answer, it was as if my vocal chords were frozen. 

I finally said, That's a hard one to answer. There's just so many reasons... And she was satisfied with that :)

But it got me thinking. So I decided to actually make a list of what it is that makes me like this country I called "home" for 5 years. And this is what I came up with...

It's terranga - hospitality at its finest.

It's hot and sweet attaya, served with conversations and laughter.

It's a round of greetings that seems to last forever.

It's brightly colored boats hauling in the catch of the day.

It's "flame trees" lining your path.

It's coke from a glass bottle, served with a lime wedge.

It's your neighborhood butik owner keeping an eye out for you and your co-workers, helping you to feel safe.

It's a burger with fries and a fried egg as two of the main ingredients.

It's a colorful ice cream shop that serves a cool refreshing treat on those hot, hot days.

It's fresh fruits and veggies from the vendor down the road.

It's directions containing landmarks such as the french fry store, the guy selling goats for Tabaski, the big pile of watermelons, and the Nescafé cart.

It's a trip to the Fukki Jai, buying clothes for less than a dollar.

It's the sound of goats and sheep constantly announcing their presence.

It's grass huts with mud floors.

It's a crowded market with each vendor asking you to visit his/her shop.

It's lots of dust. ...AKA - nature's natural exfoliant :)

It's a Saturday spent at Ebbetts Field watching softball.

It's baobab trees lining the road.

It's nems, meat stick sandwiches, and bowls of cheb from vendors down the road.

It's obama. ...the ice cream version :)

It's buying fruit, out the window of the car, while going down the highway.

It's a trip through Sandaga. ...on a good day because otherwise this would so not make the list :)

It's losing weight from walking everywhere.

It's finally learning how to cook something from scratch, using all the necessary substitutions. 

It's making the taxi driver smile when you barter for a good price.

It's dinner at the Brazilian Restaurant with a group of friends.

It's a trip to a hotel for the day for a yummy burger and swimming in the pool.

It's little bags of water sold by kids on the street.

It's meeting neighbors, grocery store workers, pastors, and others and carrying on a conversation in French.

It's an appreciation for another culture.

It's car rapides whizzing by, packed to the brim, yet still stuffing in a few more people.

It's a plate of brochettes de lotte avec frites from Le Receif.

It's getting a handmade outfit back from the tailor, made for a fraction of the cost of one from the store.

It's a ride in a horse cart.

It's that smell that hits you the minute you get off the plane.

It's a church no bigger than your living room, overflowing with BELIEVERS hungry for more of God.

It's sitting around a common bowl eating with your (right) hand and having a lively conversation.

It's cute little dirty feet.

It's friendships that stand the test of time.

It's an international community of friends and neighbors that become like family.

It's worshipping with multiple cultures (who don't speak your language) and feeling the Spirit moving like never before.

It's that first church service (done in French) that you actually understood.

It's the Musl*m call to prayer happening 5 times a day. Why? ...because it's a constant reminder to me to pray to the ONE TRUE GOD for the lives of all listening to the call to prayer.

It's the Talibe boy, with nothing, sharing the little you gave him with 10 others.

It's the first time you lead someone to Christ in another language.

It's the hugs.

It's the smiles and the nods.

It's the thank you's and the I love you's.

It's a feeling of being home.

It's feeling homesick when you're away.

It's excitement over going back. ...even if only for a short vacation.


Friday, April 3, 2015

Quotables

While looking for a quote to use in a presentation for work, I came across a dozen or so more that "spoke to me." 

And in the spirit of inspirational wordiness, here we go...












And lastly, I saw this one on Facebook. Unfortunately many people think this April Fool's joke is just soooo hilarious. But they clearly don't think about how much it could hurt someone else...


P.S. Thanks to Google Images for these quotable additions to this blog post :)