Honestly speaking...

After seeing a similar post on a friend's blog, I started to think about the things that we often hide from one another. God’s been dealing with me on honesty. I tend to hide things from everyone. I don’t let people see the “real me” per se. So here goes… total honesty about yours truly.

To tell you the truth...

• Contrary to what people believe – due to my frequent FB status updates – :) I don’t like sharing my feelings. In fact, I absolutely HATE doing so. I would rather keep everything bottled up inside and let it “eat away” at me than share it with someone else, whether that be family, friends, whoever.

• I have a really close friend here in Dakar. …probably (no definitely) the closest friend I’ve ever had. This is such new territory for me. We moved so much growing up (like every 1 ½ years or so) that as soon as I’d get close to a friend, we’d move again. Because of that, I developed this fear of getting too close to someone. And as a result of said fear, I tend to push people away when I see that happening. But I don’t want to lose the closest friend I have just because of my insecurities and fears.

• I’m not a hugger. If you want to hug me, fine, but don’t expect me to come up and hug you. It’s nothing personal. I just don’t go around giving out hugs. I’m not a good sympathizer (is that the right word?) either. I feel extremely awkward in situations where people are hurting and crying, etc. I tense up. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do. Therefore I usually leave the room. *P.S. I do write notes to people. I do offer encouragement that way. So I’m not totally heartless. :)
• I despise darkness. I slept with a nightlight in my room even through college. I just HATE the dark. …ironic since I now live in a place where the power’s off more than it’s on most of the time.

• I’m 25. It bugs me when people say things like… “You’re still young. I didn’t get married ‘til I was X years old.” or “Maybe God just wants you to be single.” or any other variations of those phrases… Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy with my life right now. I’m enjoying being my own person, doing what I want, when I want (mostly), and not having to worry about someone else. But I would like to get married. I truly want God’s will in my life and I truly believe that He has someone out there for me. I really just don’t think God would let me keep wishing and hoping and wanting for this to happen, just to have me be single for the rest of my life. After all, my absolute biggest fear is that I’ll never get married.

• I get incredibly nervous speaking in front of people (well, in front of adults). I will worry so much about it that I will literally get sick before I go up to speak. It never fails. But put me in front of a group of kids and I’m fine. :)

• I’m insecure in my status as a missionary. I’ve had “well-meaning” people tell me that I’m not really a missionary, that I’m just a teacher. …and this has come from people both on and off the mission field. I want to say, Don’t you realize the mission field that is my classroom? You don’t see the Muslim girl I pray with every day…the one begging for a Bible to take home, even though we all know Mommy and Daddy wouldn’t approve…the one praying that her family would know Jesus since, in her words, He loves everyone even when they’re bad…the one that sits quietly and attentively through every Bible lesson, soaking it all in. No. They don’t see all of that.

11 in 2011

We are 8 days into the year 2011, so I thought I would finally blog my New Years Resolutions.

Yes, I am "one of those" people who does New Years Resolutions. I sometimes wonder why I do them because it seems as if I've totally failed at most of them every year, but here's hoping that 2011 will be different.

So, instead of calling them Resolutions this year, I am calling them "Hopes," since I hope I follow through with these Resolutions/Hopes. :)

1. Read the entire Bible (again). 

2. Fit in fitness. 

3. Get organized...home, teaching, grad school classes, Berean classes, etc.

4. Read more books.

5. Be more confident in speaking French. 

6. Get better in French. I'm not able to take classes right now, but I can at least practice more at home...practice more with the local shop owners, church members, random people I meet on the street. 

7. Limit coke. I'm not saying completely cut it out...just limit it. :)

8. Journal more.

9. Eat better.

10. Manage/Eliminate stress. I know Christians shouldn't be stressed about things. We've got God on our side after all, but this is something I struggle with a lot. 

11. Get more sleep. 

My New Weapon

This, my friends, is a great invention. It is my weapon in Battle Mosquito. I love it!

I'm a teacher...

I'm a teacher, so I must...

• simply baby-sit a bunch of kids all day.
• watch kids color or write their ABC's all day.
• only work from 7:55 to 3:00 M-F.
• be able to have every night and weekend free.
• teach lessons directly from the teacher's edition of texbooks.
• have lots of planning time when my students are in other classes.
• have free time during the school day while my students are working independently.

ummm...NOT!

Teaching is rewarding. That's true. But teaching is hard work. I have 9 lessons to plan each day (Math, Science, Social Studies, Reading, English, Spelling, Phonics, Handwriting, Bible). I have 3 Reading and 2 Math Centers to plan each week. I have a weekly Parent note to send home. I have papers to grade. I have experiments and projects to plan. I have books to read and ideas to gather. I have research to conduct. I have meetings to attend and lessons to plan. I have extra-curricular activities to conduct, supervise, and attend. I am usually working on school work every night before going to bed and also on the weekends. I get 1 real planning time during the day and the other is spent taking kids to their other classes and picking them back up at the end, leaving me about 15 minutes to make copies, do prep work, and maybe squeeze in a trip to the girl's room.

My lessons take a long time to prepare, because while I do have a Teacher's Edition of all of my texts, that only meets the needs of a select few of my students. I still have 4 students receiving ESL services (1 of which speaks little English and 1 who understands little English), 2 receiving Special Ed. services, 1 that if in the States would receive Gifted services, and my 3 average-on grade level students. I have to meet the needs of all these students in each and every lesson, making it extremely difficult.

But...with all that said...would I trade my job? No. I love what I do. Yes it's hard. Yes it would be nice if there were 10 of me. But I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

I'm a teacher, so I...

• am teaching the potential future leaders of the world (or at least 6 different countries).
• am always looking for fun and exciting ways to teach my kids, so they're not bored and educated, but rather excited and educated.
• receive at least a dozen or so hugs, handshakes, or high-fives a day.
• receive at least a dozen or so hand-drawn pictures or hand-written notes a day.
• am challenged on a daily basis to be the best teacher possible.
• am a comforter, encourager, 1st Aid provider, nurse, counselor.
• am blessed beyond measure by my God to be able to have a job doing something that I truly truly love!

I am a teacher!

An Unwelcomed 3 A.M. Guest

What do a roach, my ceiling, and me jumping on my bed have in common? Um…an annoying, embarrassing, hilarious (after the fact) moment with an un-invited guest that occurred at around 3:00 one morning.

My roommate and I had come home in the wee hours of that morning after helping a friend paint her guest room. I groggily showered the paint splatters off, changed into my pj’s and got ready for bed. Then I walked into my bedroom, turned on the light, and saw quite possibly the BIGGEST cockroach ever crawling on my ceiling. UGH!

I’m normally not scared of bugs, but WOW – this thing was HUGE! After some loud girly screaming and hopping around, my roommate came to see what was wrong. Breathless and no longer half-asleep, I shrieked, “Bug! Big one! Help!”

Now, what do you think my sweet and helpful roommate did? Yes she got me something to kill it with and a paper towel to dispose of it with, but FIRST, she grabbed her camera and took a picture of me in my 3 a.m. best hopping on my bed and freaking out like a little girl over this monstrosity of a bug! Nice, Emily. Thanks for that! :)

Anyways…My point for this post (past showing me looking like a mess at 3 a.m.) was to say this...

Think about roaches. They just want to survive. They hide for protection, eat to survive, and procreate to keep their species alive. We should be the same way. We should hide ourselves in the protection of God's grace, feed ourselves with God's word, and we must share the Gospel of Jesus Christ with the world (keeping the Christian 'species' alive).

Now, don't get me wrong. If I see a roach am I going to let it live? Uh...NO! But, it does make you think. These annoying little creatures kind of have the right idea, don't they?

Back to School

School started on August 12th. It's hard to believe that almost 8 weeks have past since then. I'm teaching 1st grade this year and have the most adorable class EVER! :) I have children from the USA, Korea, the Middle East, Ghana, India, and Cameroon. I'll get 3 more kids in the next 2 weeks but for now here is my crew hard at work...

Back in Dakar

The main theme of my itineration sermons this summer  was "freedom." Celebrating the 4th of July felt different this year. I know that many times I have taken all of my rights and things God's given me as an American for granted. I guess it hit me this summer more so since I'd spent the last 11 months living in a third world country in Africa. It was so nice to spend the summer with my family, friends, and church families from AL, GA, and KS.

I landed in Dakar on August 6th. It felt a little weird landing on my birthday...not sure why, but it did. I had spent most of my time in the airports and upon boarding the day before crying. I know God's called me to Senegal. And I was definitely happy to be going back. However, it was sad leaving this time. I didn't know for sure when I'd be coming back. I'd already planned not to return to the US next summer and since the cost of flying was on a continuous climb, I didn't know if I'd be able to come at Christmas time. I once heard someone say that this is the hardest part of being a missionary -- constantly saying goodbye to family.

But with all that said, I woke up (from a rough night's sleep in an uncomfortable plane seat) on my birthday with a new outlook on life. I was so happy. I was happy to be coming back to Dakar. I was happy to be teaching a new grade level this year. I was happy to be coming back and seeing my friends and "family" here in Dakar.

And as it turns out, this was one of my best birthdays ever. I woke up to a yummy (small) breakfast on the plane...

I had a yummy snack complete with colorful drink (OJ -- don't freak people) courtesy of the coolest 9 year old (now 10) I know... :)

...At this point, I was running on about 2 hours of sleep and having some issue with my eye. So please excuse how rough I look. :)

And then we celebrated the boss and my birthday (we share bdays) with a bunch of friends that night...complete with a yummy steak and chicken dinner complete with raspberry (for him) and key lime pie (for me) for dessert! :)

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There have been a lot of high and low moments since I arrived back in Dakar. The power has gone out quite a bit. ...but my roommate and I have gotten pretty good at making snacks and meals and playing card games by flashlight/candlelight/headlamps... :)

 

There's been a LOT of rain. ...so much, in fact, that the soccer field at school flooded, giving kids (of all ages) hours and hours of fun. :) ....P.S. These pictures are courtesy of 2 other teachers here at DA.