8 Years

 On this day, 8 years ago, my dad passed away.

It was the day before my dad’s 56th birthday.

And only 9 days before my parents' 31st anniversary.

8 years ago, my heart was broken worse than ever before. And you know... Some days, it feels just like yesterday while other days it feels like it's been an eternity. 

This year, it's been much harder. And I can't figure out why. I just find myself grieving stronger than in years past. And that's hard. So hard.

I wish, more than anything, that I could call my dad and ask him for advice about various situations, to ask for help with finding a Bible passage to help me with whatever issue I'm facing, or even more than that, that I could call and ask him to pray for me. Because I knew I could always count on him to do all of those things. He'd drop whatever he was doing to help me with that. And I miss that.

And while I had a few months shy of 30 years with my dad, I'm secretly (or not so secretly annoyed that that was all I got. And sometimes, I truly wonder why... I wonder why he had to pass away so young. I wonder why our family had to deal with this huge loss. I wonder why, if I ever get married or have children, he'll never get to meet them. I wonder why my mom has to be a widow. I wonder why my nieces will only have just a few memories of my dad - a man who absolutely, positively loved being a Pawpaw to those girls - who's life goal was to be a grandparent ;)

And then, I think about what I did/do have. I'm thankful for a Christian heritage he continued with our family. I'm thankful for the love of learning he passed down. 

I'm thankful for 29.5 years worth of happy memories.

I'm thankful, that even though, I'll never get to experience having him at my own possible wedding or births of possible future children, I got to see the immense joy/pride/love he showed on the day of my brother and sister-in-law's wedding and of all the time he joyfully spent with my beautiful nieces.

I'm thankful for so much.

And yes, I do still miss him terribly. 

But, I can smile, thinking of him hanging out with Jesus and talking to all the people from the Bible whom he loved to read/study/preach about for all those years. What a fun time that must be!Because you see... My dad loved the Lord with all his heart. And he loved sharing about the Lord with anyone who would listen. In fact, my dad preached his last sermon from his hospital bed exactly one week before he passed away. Using Romans 8:18 as his primary verse, he reminded us that, though we may experience suffering and pain here on earth, we can trust in the hope of our Savior. We can trust in the knowledge that if we are saved, we will experience that glory that is beyond compare.  And now, today, I am so incredibly thankful that his words are permanently etched into my memory. 

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I've written memories-filled posts every year on the anniversary of his death, which can be found below. While still sad, it's nice for me to be able to look back and remember how God's been with me through the past years' anniversaries...

1 year

2 years

3 years

4 years

5 years

6 years

7 years