11 Years

     Today is the 11th  anniversary of my dad’s death. 

A fact that just does not seem possible…

How has 11 years already gone by?

My dad passed away 10 years ago.

The day before my his 56th birthday. And only 9 days before my parents' 31st anniversary. And me? My heart was feeling the intense weight of such a significant and painful loss. 

When I got hurt last month, I so desperately wished he were still alive and I could have called him. And when they wheeled me back for surgery, before the anesthesia fully took effect, I remember thinking how much I wish he could’ve prayed for me before time…

My mom and I have been reminiscing about him a lot lately. It’s been nice having those chats, and thinking about all sorts of sweet and happy memories.

We sure do miss having him here…

By the end of his life, my dad was so sick, though. So even though, we do so desperately miss him, I wouldn't dare call him back. Heaven is such an incredible place, a place where he's no longer sick, no longer hurting. He's whole again. And Heaven is for sure better than this mess of a world we're all living in now :)

 

Sometimes, though, I wonder why... 

I wonder why he had to pass away so young. I wonder why our family had to deal with this huge loss. I wonder why, if I ever get married or have children, he'll never get to meet them. I wonder why my mom has to be a widow. I wonder why she’s had to deal with so much since he passed away. I wonder why my nieces will only have just a few memories of my dad - a man who absolutely, positively loved being a Pawpaw to those girls. 

But even in my wondering and my sadness, I'm still thankful for some things. I’m thankful for all the time I did have. I’m thankful for so many cherished memories I did have/do have. And I’m thankful for so much more…

I'm thankful for a Christian heritage he continued with our family. 

I'm thankful for the love of learning he passed down to me. He would love that I was considering going back to school to get my doctorate. After all, we joke that he was basically a professional student. And as a Special Ed teacher, himself, he also would have 100% understood why I made the decision to wait and not start this past Fall like I’d thought I would because work was too time consuming/overwhelming at the time and I was doing the job of 2 teachers at once. 

I'm thankful for the memories of his laugh and his joy for life.

I'm thankful for 29.5 years worth of happy memories.

I'm thankful, that even though, I'll never get to experience having him at my own possible wedding or births of possible future children, I was able to see the immense joy/pride/love he showed on the day of my brother and sister-in-law's wedding and of all the time he joyfully spent with my beautiful nieces.

I'm thankful for so much.

And yes, I do still miss him terribly. 

But, I can smile, thinking of him hanging out with Jesus and talking to all the people from the Bible whom he loved to read/study/preach about for all those years. What a fun time that must be! 

My dad loved the Lord with all his heart. And he loved sharing about the Lord with anyone who would listen. In fact, my dad preached his last sermon from his hospital bed exactly one week before he passed away. Using Romans 8:18 as his primary verse, he reminded us that, though we may experience suffering and pain here on earth, we can trust in the hope of our Savior. We can trust in the knowledge that if we are saved, we will experience that glory that is beyond compare.  And now, today, I am so incredibly thankful that his words are permanently etched into my memory. 

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I've written memories-filled posts every year on the anniversary of his death, which can be found below. While still sad, it's nice for me to be able to look back and remember how God's been with me through the past years' anniversaries...

1 year

2 years

3 years

4 years

5 years

6 years

7 years

8 years

9 years

10 years

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Today, I'm linking up with  Erika and Andrea for their weekly Friday Favorites link-up. Because, while thinking about my dad's death obviously isn’t a favorite, thinking/talking about my dad is an favorite. After all, my dad was, and always will be, one of my favorite people.