Sweetly Broken

2 Sundays ago at church, the worship team sang Jeremy Riddle's Sweetly Broken and ever since, this song has been playing in my head. It's as if God put the semi-ironic words in the song, knowing I would need to hear/read them at this exact time in my life.

You see, I wore this thing for 10 days.



I fell on the first day of school and hurt my left wrist. 

I'm left-handed. Did I mention that?

Y'all... It's been HORRIBLE. 

The pain... 
The inability to do even the simplest of tasks...
The frustration over the inability to do my job like I need to...
The discouragement over having to ask for help for so many things...

And so on. And on. And on.

I've had x-rays. The radiologist here looked at it.
I've had a doctor on our staff look at it. 
She had her Orthopedic friend in the States look at it.
She asked me to have more x-rays done.
The radiologist confirmed there's no fracture. 
The doctor on our staff looked at it again.
She had her Orthopedic friend in the States look at it again.
Then she re-examined my wrist yesterday, based on her Orthopedic friend's recommendations.

And that is why 11 days after my fall, I got a diagnosis

Apparently when I fell, I injured the radio-ulnar joint - either fracturing it or dislocating it. We're not necessarily sure of which. So I had to stop moving my wrist ASAP since it was causing more harm than good in doing so. 

And, I ended up with this new "accessory" too...



My arm is wrapped from my elbow to the middle of my hand and will stay that way for at least 2 weeks. Maybe more, depending on how it heals in that time.

And in my warped  reasoning, I feel like having this makes it all justified. 

My pain...
My inability to work like I need/want to...
My discouragement over having to ask for help...

And yes, I realize how stupid it sounds for me to say that.

But y'all, I've spent more than my fair share of time crying (literally) about this. 

And I'm still frustrated.

But yesterday, in the middle of me crying my eyes out (or so it felt) from the frustration of all of this...

In the middle of my incredible broken/weak state, I realized something.

God doesn't ask us to come to Him in a state of perfection.

It's okay if we're broken.

It really is.

And yes, I'm preaching to myself here.

It's kind of ironic that Sweetly Broken has been playing on repeat in my head all this time.

It's like the song says...

I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.

I've realized God is teaching me a lot through this time of injury and recovery.

And do you know what the first lesson He's teaching me is?

I'm broken. 

And that's okay.

But I need to surrender my brokenness (along with my pain, my frustrations over what I can't do right now, my fears of failure, my discouragement at being dependent on others, and so on and so forth). I need to surrender it all to Him.

And that, my friends, is a hard lesson for me to accept/learn.

It's easy for me to give grace to others.

But it's so difficult for me to give grace to myself.

So I'll continue to accept my brokenness. 

But I'll start to wholly surrender it to Him.

And just solely deciding to work towards that was a weight lifted.

So I can only imagine how "free" I'll feel when I am fully able to surrender this brokenness, pain, frustration, etc. to Him. 

So I guess I'll wrap up this really long blog post, I'll ask a question.

Will you help me pray?

Help me pray for healing. And as I wait for that healing, help me pray for patience and guidance in steps to take. Help me pray for strength and the ability to either do the things I need to do. And when I encounter things I cannot do on my own, help me push my stubborn streak out of the way, and be willing to ask for and graciously receive the necessary help.

And most of all... 

Help me pray that I open my heart and mind to see God even more clearly than ever before...all in the midst of this brokenness.