Tuesday Talk

Happy Tuesday Y'all 

Today, I'm joining Ashley and Erika for their monthly Tuesday Talk link-up, where we, bloggers, can talk about anything on our mind at the moment.

I've done a few of these posts over the years. 

February 2017 - Talking about Things I Wish I Could Say

May 2017 - Talking about Why I Teach 

July 2017 - Talking about Mega Conference

February 2018 - Talking about Stories Behind Some Photos

Mary 2018 - Talking about A Friend of Mine 

April 2018 - Talking about The #psloveme Challenge

May 2018 - Talking about My Upcoming Summer 

June 2018 - Talking about Randomness

And today, I'm going to be opening up and sharing my heart a bit. I'm going to be talking about something I've been feeling lately.

I remember having a conversation with a friend a few days before school started back... We were talking about how many years we've been teaching. When I told her I was starting my 10th year, it caught me off guard. 

10 years?!

It just didn't seem possible. 

And I remembered being that shy 23 year old, fresh out of college, transitioning from student teaching in the Fall to being a long-term sub in the Spring. I was so nervous. I was definitely not very confident in myself, as a teacher. In fact, I wrote a "letter" to First Year Teacher Me a few weeks ago, in which I talked about this.

Then, not long ago, I shared a bit of my Philosophy of Teaching and my thoughts about it, as well. In that post, I shared how I've changed as a teacher over the years. I shared how I felt far more confident in myself, as a teacher.

But recently, the devil has been filling my mind with lies, leaving me questioning my abilities as a teacher. For a while, I was walking around in a semi-fog, feeling utterly defeated and crushed in my spirit. I continued to teach my students (and I have taught them quite well, I might add). But the minute they would leave for the day, that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach would return, worse than before. 

And then while at a really low point one day, I told a co-worker...

I feel like a total failure as a teacher.

And I was honest. 

I truly felt like a failure.

 Was I? No.

But it's how I felt. 



Then fast forward a few days, when I see the image above on Facebook. And do you want to know what I did after reading it?

I cried.

As in, full on, crocodile tears...

I cried a lot.

And then, I asked myself a couple questions.

Why am I believing lies?

 I'm giving control of my mind to the devil, the father of lies, which is CRAZY!

Who am I?

I am a child of God. 
I am a confident teacher.

Am I really a failure as a teacher? 

No. 
I am most definitely NOT a failure as a teacher.

My heart/spirit were left feeling defeated/crushed. And while, I don't feel those feelings anymore, it took a lot out of me. 

But my confidence is back.

And I've kicked all those lies I was believing to the curb.

So I'm feeling like myself again :)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So why am I rambling on and on about this?

There are a few reasons.

1. I feel like there's this perception in the Christian world that Christians always have it all together. They don't experience sadness (as in, the deep emotional/mental hurt like I've been experiencing). They live in perfect bliss all the time. And if they do end up struggling, then there's a label slapped on them that calls them Damaged, or Sinner, or Whatever...

2. I need the support and accountability. I need friends asking how I'm doing and if I'm in the Word and praying about the areas in which I'm struggling. I need listening ears and I need guidance and advice. And FYI - I am blessed to have that here. But it's something I included on my original, personal (non-blogged) list.

3. I want other Christian Teachers (well, anyone in general) who are struggling to know they are not alone. Life can be hard. It can be especially hard if you feel like you're all alone out there. So if you're reading this and feeling this way, know that I am willing to be a listening ear/email recipient.