2015 - It's time to change.

It's time I acknowledge something I've known as true for a while. It's no terribly huge surprise. 

But in the spirit of total accountability, it's time I publicly admit...

I'm out of shape. 

Physically...

Emotionally...

Spiritually...

And it's time I kick my tail in gear. It's time I stop making excuses and actually get the job done.

One of my main New Year's Resolutions is to really, fully embrace the Serenity Prayer this year...

God please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

So there are three huge areas of my life where I know I CAN change...

1. I am out of shape physically. 

So I'm setting a goal weight/size to reach by the end of this year. And I'll give myself "benchmarks" to hit along the way... 1) our last day of school on May 22nd 2) my birthday on August 6th 3) New Year's Eve on December 31st.

I joined a group of ladies, located all around the world, doing a 21 day Daniel Fast. This cleansing fast is the first step of many on my road to being in better physical shape. The group's 21 days starts Monday, so starting then, I'll be eating whole, fresh foods, and no processed, sugary junk. However, I've decided to dedicate 40 days to the fast, since I'm reading/working through The Daniel Plan by Rick Warren.

Once that's finished, I'll continue working toward meeting my goal weight/size by each benchmark. I'm going to continue eating primarily fresh, whole, clean food and eliminating as much sugar, soft drinks, processed, and "bad" food as possible. And I'm going to increase my water consumption too. I'm going to choose not to totally deprive myself of things, but rather enjoy them in much, much smaller portions.

As for exercise, I don't have any good options nearby, due to where I live/work. So I'm going to make a conscientious decision to work out at home. I'm going to exercise more. I'm going to park further away from buildings, take the stairs instead of elevators, and find ways to include extra seemingly simple "workouts" in my day. 

I don't have an exact weight in mind, but I do have a general size-range in mind that I'd like to get down to. However, I'm not worried so much about a specific number... The point is to get in better shape. I want to look better and feel better.

2. I'm out of shape emotionally.

Ever since coming off the mission field, my emotions have been all out of whack. That's the simplest way of putting it. I love my family. I love my job. I love my life here in America. But something's been missing...

Everything changed so fast. I didn't get a chance to "say goodbye," so to speak, to Africa. When I left, I thought I'd be returning in a year. But things changed when God led me to stay home to help take care of my parents. And while I gladly accepted that calling, it was still hard. I often find myself missing Senegal, comparing life to there, longing to go back... I often find myself so very unhappy here, feeling as if I don't fit in or I don't belong, and just wishing I could be back in Senegal where I do belong. 

When I was only here twice a year, things were different. People wanted to hang out. I was constantly on the go - visiting this person, hanging out with this one, going out for lunch with another one. I loved it. But now I'm here permanently. And the hanging out doesn't happen anymore. I feel like I don't really belong anywhere and I spend far too much time alone. ...which of course, adds to the emotional upset I feel.

So it's time for me to get in better shape emotionally. How will I do that? Well, for starters, I'm going to continue with the Serenity Prayer.

God please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I'm going to change what I can and accept what I can't. 

I'm going to choose to not let my happiness depend on others so much. Then I'm going to choose to put myself out there more... Invite people to go places, hang out, etc. I'm going to be the inviter more and stop always waiting to be the invitee. 

Past that... I'm going to focus on looking throughout my day at what makes me happy. I'm going to do the Joy Dare Challenge. And I'm going to keep a Happy Journal and spend time each night, listing some of the little (or big) things that have made me happy during the day. 

3. I'm out of shape spiritually.

This revelation surprised me. I'm lying in bed one night, crying out to God and He pointed this one out. 

One of the biggest lessons God has been teaching me is to give Him control. Anyone that knows me well, knows I struggle with this. I like to think I'm an optimist. But truthfully speaking, I'm a worrier. I stress BIG TIME. I automatically go to worst case scenario when things happen. 

So in keeping with the Serenity Prayer, I'm going to work through this area of my life, by praying for the courage to change what I can. I can learn to pray, let go, and let God do the rest. It may not always be easy, but I will do my very best.

And you know... I go to church. I pray. I read and study the Bible. I do all the right things. 

But I've been missing something. Ever since I made the decision to "take a break," so to speak, from the mission field, I've felt something was missing.

Not being in full-time ministry has been difficult for me. As crazy as it sounds, I've felt a sense of being invaluable. I feel like I'm not doing enough for God. I feel like I'm not worth the calling He placed on my life when He called me into the ministry. 

So what can I do about that? 

I can accept the things I cannot change and have the courage to change the things I can. 

I can accept the fact that I'm not in full-time ministry. And I can have the courage to change my feelings on it. 

I did finish the requirements for my certified worker's (minister's) license with the Assemblies of God. I'm just waiting for them to finish up things on their end and send my certificate of ministry to me.

The new "ministry" God called me to was supporting my parents. Thankfully, I'm at a place in my life where I can financially and emotionally support them and turn the tables by doing just a little of what they've done for me the past 29 years. 

Another thing I can change in my life is the amount of time I spend digging into the Word. I read and study my Bible daily. But it's as if I've just been doing the bare minimum. 

So as part of the Daniel Fast, I'm reading Rick Warren's book, The Daniel Plan. I'm also working through the accompanying journal/workbook. My goal in doing the fast is to get into better shape physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

Past that, I'm planning to read and journal through the entire Bible. I'm praying that God shows me Himself in such a real way this year as I dig deeper into His Word. 

And the last area of my life I'm choosing to change is how busy I am. Between my responsibilities in work, church, family, and home, I stay pretty busy. 

I have a hard time saying "no." I don't want to let anyone down, so I'm always one of the first to volunteer. I go out of my way to get something when not even necessary. I put myself out to do things requested, but not required. 

I do a lot and am always on the go. I rarely slow down. So I'm choosing to make a change in that this year. I am going to purposefully slow down sometimes, take time for me. I'm going to read (for fun). I'm going to find ways to relax. I'm going to find ways to rest.

So how's this apply to me getting in better spiritual health?

I'm going to choose to rest in God. I'm going to take time to get away from the hustle and bustle of life - even if that means staying right at home.  I'm going to take time to retreat and...

* rest

* be quiet

* listen to God.

The Serenity Prayer says, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I'm choosing to incorporate this prayer into as much of my life as possible throughout this coming year. 

I'm going to learn to accept what I cannot change and change what I can. 

I'm going to get into better shape...

...physically,

...emotionally, 

...spiritually.