9 Years

  On this day, 9 years ago, my dad passed away.

It was the day before my dad’s 56th birthday and only 9 days before my parents' 31st anniversary. My heart was feeling the intense weight of such a painful loss. And as time has passed, I can't help but wonder what if... What if he hadn't died so young? What if he'd been around for all that's happened in the past 9 years? 

As I prepare to move back to the US, I'm realizing one thing I'm missing in this process is my dad. I'm missing his advice and his prayers. I'm missing his support and encouragement of my ministry here and I'm missing his excitement over me coming back home too. There have been so many times in this process that I have wished I could talk with him about what I've been thinking or feeling and to get just a small bit of his wisdom, and to hear him pray for me again. I always knew I could count on him to do all those things.

By the end, my dad was so sick, though. So even though, I do so desperately miss him, I wouldn't dare call him back. Heaven is such an incredible place, a place where he's no longer sick, no longer hurting. He's whole again. And Heaven is for sure better than the mess of a world we're all living in now :)

 

While I had a few months shy of 30 years with my dad, I'm secretly (or maybe not so secretly) annoyed that that 29.5ish years was all I got. 

And sometimes, I truly wonder why... 

I wonder why he had to pass away so young. I wonder why our family had to deal with this huge loss. I wonder why, if I ever get married or have children, he'll never get to meet them. I wonder why my mom has to be a widow. I wonder why my nieces will only have just a few memories of my dad - a man who absolutely, positively loved being a Pawpaw to those girls. In fact, I've known few other men who were made to be a grandparent like my dad was :)

But even in the sadness, I'm still thankful for all the time and memories I did have/do have. I'm thankful for a Christian heritage he continued with our family. 

I'm thankful for the love of learning he passed down. 

I'm thankful for the memories of his laugh and his joy for life.

I'm thankful for 29.5 years worth of happy memories.

I'm thankful, that even though, I'll never get to experience having him at my own possible wedding or births of possible future children, I was able to see the immense joy/pride/love he showed on the day of my brother and sister-in-law's wedding and of all the time he joyfully spent with my beautiful nieces.

I'm thankful for so much.

And yes, I do still miss him terribly. 

But, I can smile, thinking of him hanging out with Jesus and talking to all the people from the Bible whom he loved to read/study/preach about for all those years. What a fun time that must be! 

My dad loved the Lord with all his heart. And he loved sharing about the Lord with anyone who would listen. In fact, my dad preached his last sermon from his hospital bed exactly one week before he passed away. Using Romans 8:18 as his primary verse, he reminded us that, though we may experience suffering and pain here on earth, we can trust in the hope of our Savior. We can trust in the knowledge that if we are saved, we will experience that glory that is beyond compare.  And now, today, I am so incredibly thankful that his words are permanently etched into my memory. 

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I've written memories-filled posts every year on the anniversary of his death, which can be found below. While still sad, it's nice for me to be able to look back and remember how God's been with me through the past years' anniversaries...

1 year

2 years

3 years

4 years

5 years

6 years

7 years

8 years

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Today, I'm linking up with  Erika and Andrea for their weekly Friday Favorites link-up. Because, while thinking about my dad's death isn't necessarily a favorite, thinking about him is. After all, my dad was one of my favorite people.