Home

Home? 

Home? Where is it? 

Is it the house you grew up in? Is it the house you spent your school years in? 

If that's the case, then I have 11 homes.

No, it's more than that. Is it where your family is? 

If so, then I'm home now. During this season of life, I'm living with my parents so I can help them out. That means I  definitely living with my family. 

So I'm home right? 

Right?

Umm... Here's the thing...

My heart is constantly being pulled in other directions. We moved around a lot when I was growing up, so I have strong ties all over the state of Alabama and Louisiana. Plus, I have family and friends spread out in all directions - all over the state of Alabama, in other states, and in different countries around the world. 

Then factor in the 5 years I spent living in Dakar, Senegal. That little tiny part of West Africa quickly became home for me. I had my own apartment. I had my ministry work (my job). I had friends - many of whom became more like family. I had my neighbors. I had my ... Well, just everything...

So then fast forward to June 7, 2014. That's the day I landed back in the States. 

I was leaving one home to come back to my other home. 

I was super sad to leave one home and at the same time, I was super happy to arrive in my other home.

I was missing things from one home and reuniting with things from the other home.

My emotions were all screwed up...

And it was at the airport, on one of my layovers, that the song, "Home" by Phillip Phillips, started playing over airport's radio/speakers. I

And I thought about it...

Home

The word, home, cannot be easily defined. 

The word, home, means something different for every person.

The word, home, has a different meaning for me than it does for you.

So where's home for me?

It's the little 2 bedroom, one bath, house where my parents and I live, in Heiberger, Alabama, a town not even on a map.

It's the city of Dakar, Senegal, a city of billions, located in a West Africa.

It's the 11 cities, located throughout Alabama and Louisiana, where I lived growing up. 

It's Alabama, a state known for its southern hospitality and good ol' country folks.

It's the South, a region of the U.S., known for its accents, sweet iced tea, and rednecks.

It's a church where a pastor isn't afraid to preach the truth of God who loves all people but hates all sins.

It's a school, where I'm only 1 of 4 of my own race, yet where I still feel like a member of the family.

It's a crowded market in Dakar, Senegal, where vendors shout out "Good price for you my sister. Come buy nice things."

It's a place I've never even lived, but I know I will one day, since I know God has told me about the family of my own I will one day have.

And most of all...

It's a home I look forward to, a home with streets of gold and most importantly, where my Heavenly Father lives.

Thoughts on a Saturday

There's a lot on my mind today. So I thought I'd do one big list style post than a bunch of little posts.

What's on my mind?

1. Je suis Baga. (*I am Baga.)

I recently wrote about my thoughts on the recent attacks by the terrorist group, Boko Haram, in Nigeria. This is still heavy on my heart. I just can't get past the thought of over 2000 people dying and the majority of the world's media either turning a blind eye to it or choosing not to cover it. It's sad.

2. Movement = Pain

It hurts to walk...to breathe...to hiccup...to cough...to move...to do anything. My doctor said I definitely pulled a muscle in my side and possible slightly tore it too. Seriously... It's the most painful experience of my life. Wow!

3. Driven to Distraction

I'm reading this book. I bought it a while back, but just haven't had time to read it 'til now. Considering this is something I encounter quite a bit in my line of work, I thought it'd be a good read. My favorite quote so far... 

"...many people who have ADD are very smart. It's just that their smartness gets tangled up inside."

4. Eating Healthy

I've always loved fresh fruits and veggies.  At times I even think I could be a vegetarian. ...until I see a steak, that is :)

Anyways, since starting the Daniel Fast a couple weeks ago I've been eating even more fruits/vegetables. I have been amazed at how much better I've felt, how clearer my skin has looked, and even how much more energy I've had. I love it!

5. One Day by Matisyahu

I love this song. I'm so tired of all the hate and fighting in the world! I'm so tired of religions fighting each other...for races fighting each other...for nationalities fighting each other...for countries fighting each other...for people fighting each other. Why do people hate other people? I just don't get it...

My favorite part of the song is this...

"Sometimes in my tears I drown

But I never let it get me down

So when negativity surrounds

I know some day it'll all turn around because...

All my life I've been waiting for

I've been praying for

For the people to say

That we don't wanna fight no more

There will be no more wars

And our children will play

One day..."

2000

...not 2

...not 20

...not even 200

No. It was over 2000 people who were killed in the recent massacre in Nigeria. 

Men. Women. Children. All killed.

My heart breaks for them. Why'd they have to die? Why'd they have to lose their lives in such a tragically horrific way?

Where's the justice? the retribution? 

Where's the uproar and concern from the rest of the world? 

The National Championships were played last night. I bet every single news station in the U.S. did a recap/review of the game. 

And I'm sure they also made sure to include the latest celebrity/political gossip. God forbid that doesn't get mentioned. 

But where's the mention of Nigeria? 

Where's the outcry of disgust over the loss of these lives?

Where are the world leaders banding together to put an end to terrorism like they did after the recent attack in Paris?

2000 plus people lost their lives. And very few news stations even mentioned it.

Don't think I'm just bashing the news outlets of my own home/passport country. I'm not. The U.S. is definitely not the only ones ignoring this.

But why?

Why do these 2000 plus lives not deserve the same amount of press coverage as others in similar situations?

Why?

I have my theories...my opinions. But I think I'll keep 'em to myself. 

And all the while...

I'll tell anyone who will listen about the sadness I feel at 2000 plus Nigerian lives lost in a senseless act of terror. 

And even more than that...

I'll pray 

...for justice.

...for peace.

...for comfort.

...for safety.

...for healing.

...for salvation.

...for awareness and concern.

I'll pray for God to wipe out terrorism and replace it with peace. 

I'll pray for God to wipe out hate and replace it with love. 

I'll pray for open eyes and ears and hearts. 

I'll pray for the TRUTH of the ONE TRUE GOD to sweep across the continent of Africa, North America, and beyond. 

Because you know what...

It can happen.

I serve a GREAT BIG GOD!

...and there is NOTHING my GOD can't do!

This Woman

See this woman? 

She's pretty awesome. ...so awesome that I felt she deserved a blog post all about her :)

She's such a great woman. She's easy to talk to. And she's such a great listener. She's definitely my biggest confidant and advice-giver. 

She is caring, encouraging, loving, and kind-hearted. She loves deeply and shows genuine consideration for others.

She loves to spend time with her family and is almost always up for an adventure.

She has the most beautiful smile and I love to hear her laugh.   

She is an amazing care giver! She loves to help and serve others. She'd give someone the shirt off her back if they needed it.

She is my #1 fan. She supports me, encourages me, and pushes me forward to help me reach my goals. 

She lights up a room when she enters it and people seem to gravitate toward her.

She exudes joy and tries to be positive at all times. Even if she's having a bad day, she still looks for the positive.

She hasn't always had it easy. She has overcome a lot in life. She's worked her butt off to get ahead in life. She works so hard and lives off very little sleep. *I think she may secretly be Superwoman :)

She puts God first I'm her life. She's a minister and teacher of His Word and is a true example of how a Christian woman should be.

She wears a lot of different hats. Christian, Wife, Mama, Granny, Pastor's Wife, Sister, Aunt, Friend...

She's awesome!

And I'm blessed to call her my Mama!

2014 in Review

January - I ended my blessing of a Christmas trip and found out my niece, Daisy, was going to be a big sister. I played 20 Questions. And by the end of the month, I felt God was leading me to make a big change. When I mentioned this to my best friend, I didn't realize just how big of a change it was going to be :)

February - I celebrated Valentine's Day with my Kids Club kids. And later in the month, I shocked a few people by announcing what my big change was.

March - I went on Spring Break and did a major sorting/packing. I also shared a few lessons I've learned from Dr. Seuss and Disney movies. 

April - I wrote a special letter to my dad. I wrote about the Who, What, and Why of Easter and I also wrote An Ode to a Dog.

May - I wrote about leaving your comfort zone. My 2nd niece was born. I shared lessons learned while packing, and I wrote a special edition Dear ____ post to Dakar Academy.

June - I wrote a list of things I never thought I'd say. I left Dakar, having to say goodbye to my home of the past 5 years, and I headed back to the States. I met my new niece, celebrated Father's Day, and got my car. I also had to deal with a billion or so people thinking I had Ebola since I'd been in Africa :)

July - I wrote my 29 by 29 list. I went to Texas and spent a week with a friend, exploring a new state.

August - I started teaching. I entered my last year in my twenties. And my dad had another heart attack, and subsequently, his second open heart surgery in less than a year. And somehow I didn't post anything the whole month :)

September - I remembered that it'd been a year since my grandfather died. And I wrote about a hymn I like and my newest change, which involved the word, WAIT.

October - I had my interview for my first level of licensing with the Assemblies of God and prepared for my last class for it, as well. This was my biggest blogging month, with me writing about all sorts of topics like... What I miss about Senegal, wanting to be like a violin and also a duck, the little things in life, if I made a mixtape, and then I wrote a letter to my parents.

November - I wrote about Veterans' Day, my first Thanksgiving in America in 6 years, a special football game with my dad, and a post about my line of work.

December - I wrote about some of the beautiful things in my life. And I soaked up all things Christmas - parties, time with friends and family, good food, and remembering and the real reason we celebrate the holiday.

ABCs

I...

...bought almond milk for the first time the other day. It's not as good as regular milk. But it does actually taste pretty decent. I think I'd rather have the sweetened version over the unsweetened one I have now, though :)

...was blessed to receive a sweet, surprise package in the mail from a former co-worker. 

...am counting down the days 'til MLK's birthday. Why? I get the day off from work, of course :)

...finally downloaded a Bible app on my phone. How have I not done this already?!

...haven't experienced cold like this in a long, long time. 

...have un-friended a few people on Facebook recently. I just don't understand the point in all the posts full of profanity. Can you not get your point across without cursing? I don't understand.

...am so grateful for a good heater on these cold mornings (and evenings) when I'm heading to/from work.

...really hate watching the news sometimes. There's so much hate and violence out in the world right now. It's so rare to hear of anything good happening in the world anymore. 

...am incredibly happy to have a dryer again. It's so nice to throw my clothes in it on these cold mornings. And then, Voila! I have warm clothes when I go to work! Not to mention, not having to walk up 3 flights of stairs to the roof to do laundry :)

...was listening to Jason Gray's song, Remind Me Who I Am the other day and it gave me the inspiration for a new blog post. It's such a great song. I love it!

...was happy to see "my kids" on Tuesday. Breaks are always nice, but I do love what I do, and thankfully I have a good group of kiddos to work with :)

...love my job. The good days with sweet kids, their adorable Good mornings every day, those sweet smiles, and those ridiculously hard working attitudes totally make up for the insane amount of paperwork and the bad days :)

...dreamed last night that I was at the mall in Dakar with some friends, having lunch at the "food court." 

...have gotten to see my nieces twice this week already, and will get to see them again tomorrow. That makes this Zizzie's heart happy :)

...owe a lot to my parents. When I think of all they've done for me, I realize there's no way I could ever pay them back. 

...pulled a muscle in my side. And apparently this muscle controls my entire body. I mean, it must since the slightest movement has me almost in tears. Oh my word! This has been painful! 

...love my quiet time in the mornings. It's nice to have

...am reading The Daniel Plan by Rick Warren and am working through the accompanying journal/devotional too, while participating in the Daniel Fast. This book is good. I would highly recommend it!

...had my students write one New Year's Resolution for this upcoming semester of school. I love teaching my kids to set goals for themselves and figure out how they can work to achieve those goals. By giving them ownership of the situation, the likelihood of them achieving the goals is so much higher. And in the end, they're happy so I'm happy :)

...think it'd be awesome to be rich. Just sayin' :)

...u

...had to visit the vet with my dog last week. The poor thing had a growth on her eyelid that had to be removed. I was a nervous wreck the whole time, but thankfully everything went well!

...love watching NCIS. However being incredibly lazy and watching an all day long NCIS marathon while on Christmas Break probably wasn't the best idea. The crazy dreams were proof of that.

...am eXpecting a miracle in a certain area of my life. I know God's heard my prayer. Now I will just wait for Him to answer, eXpecting the miracle He's promised. 

...took my old yearbook with me to my friend's house a couple weeks ago. It was fun to look through it and reminisce about when we were teaching together and to see how far our former students have come since then.

...am planning to zip home after work today since my two favorite girls are going to be there :)

2015 - It's time to change.

It's time I acknowledge something I've known as true for a while. It's no terribly huge surprise. 

But in the spirit of total accountability, it's time I publicly admit...

I'm out of shape. 

Physically...

Emotionally...

Spiritually...

And it's time I kick my tail in gear. It's time I stop making excuses and actually get the job done.

One of my main New Year's Resolutions is to really, fully embrace the Serenity Prayer this year...

God please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

So there are three huge areas of my life where I know I CAN change...

1. I am out of shape physically. 

So I'm setting a goal weight/size to reach by the end of this year. And I'll give myself "benchmarks" to hit along the way... 1) our last day of school on May 22nd 2) my birthday on August 6th 3) New Year's Eve on December 31st.

I joined a group of ladies, located all around the world, doing a 21 day Daniel Fast. This cleansing fast is the first step of many on my road to being in better physical shape. The group's 21 days starts Monday, so starting then, I'll be eating whole, fresh foods, and no processed, sugary junk. However, I've decided to dedicate 40 days to the fast, since I'm reading/working through The Daniel Plan by Rick Warren.

Once that's finished, I'll continue working toward meeting my goal weight/size by each benchmark. I'm going to continue eating primarily fresh, whole, clean food and eliminating as much sugar, soft drinks, processed, and "bad" food as possible. And I'm going to increase my water consumption too. I'm going to choose not to totally deprive myself of things, but rather enjoy them in much, much smaller portions.

As for exercise, I don't have any good options nearby, due to where I live/work. So I'm going to make a conscientious decision to work out at home. I'm going to exercise more. I'm going to park further away from buildings, take the stairs instead of elevators, and find ways to include extra seemingly simple "workouts" in my day. 

I don't have an exact weight in mind, but I do have a general size-range in mind that I'd like to get down to. However, I'm not worried so much about a specific number... The point is to get in better shape. I want to look better and feel better.

2. I'm out of shape emotionally.

Ever since coming off the mission field, my emotions have been all out of whack. That's the simplest way of putting it. I love my family. I love my job. I love my life here in America. But something's been missing...

Everything changed so fast. I didn't get a chance to "say goodbye," so to speak, to Africa. When I left, I thought I'd be returning in a year. But things changed when God led me to stay home to help take care of my parents. And while I gladly accepted that calling, it was still hard. I often find myself missing Senegal, comparing life to there, longing to go back... I often find myself so very unhappy here, feeling as if I don't fit in or I don't belong, and just wishing I could be back in Senegal where I do belong. 

When I was only here twice a year, things were different. People wanted to hang out. I was constantly on the go - visiting this person, hanging out with this one, going out for lunch with another one. I loved it. But now I'm here permanently. And the hanging out doesn't happen anymore. I feel like I don't really belong anywhere and I spend far too much time alone. ...which of course, adds to the emotional upset I feel.

So it's time for me to get in better shape emotionally. How will I do that? Well, for starters, I'm going to continue with the Serenity Prayer.

God please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I'm going to change what I can and accept what I can't. 

I'm going to choose to not let my happiness depend on others so much. Then I'm going to choose to put myself out there more... Invite people to go places, hang out, etc. I'm going to be the inviter more and stop always waiting to be the invitee. 

Past that... I'm going to focus on looking throughout my day at what makes me happy. I'm going to do the Joy Dare Challenge. And I'm going to keep a Happy Journal and spend time each night, listing some of the little (or big) things that have made me happy during the day. 

3. I'm out of shape spiritually.

This revelation surprised me. I'm lying in bed one night, crying out to God and He pointed this one out. 

One of the biggest lessons God has been teaching me is to give Him control. Anyone that knows me well, knows I struggle with this. I like to think I'm an optimist. But truthfully speaking, I'm a worrier. I stress BIG TIME. I automatically go to worst case scenario when things happen. 

So in keeping with the Serenity Prayer, I'm going to work through this area of my life, by praying for the courage to change what I can. I can learn to pray, let go, and let God do the rest. It may not always be easy, but I will do my very best.

And you know... I go to church. I pray. I read and study the Bible. I do all the right things. 

But I've been missing something. Ever since I made the decision to "take a break," so to speak, from the mission field, I've felt something was missing.

Not being in full-time ministry has been difficult for me. As crazy as it sounds, I've felt a sense of being invaluable. I feel like I'm not doing enough for God. I feel like I'm not worth the calling He placed on my life when He called me into the ministry. 

So what can I do about that? 

I can accept the things I cannot change and have the courage to change the things I can. 

I can accept the fact that I'm not in full-time ministry. And I can have the courage to change my feelings on it. 

I did finish the requirements for my certified worker's (minister's) license with the Assemblies of God. I'm just waiting for them to finish up things on their end and send my certificate of ministry to me.

The new "ministry" God called me to was supporting my parents. Thankfully, I'm at a place in my life where I can financially and emotionally support them and turn the tables by doing just a little of what they've done for me the past 29 years. 

Another thing I can change in my life is the amount of time I spend digging into the Word. I read and study my Bible daily. But it's as if I've just been doing the bare minimum. 

So as part of the Daniel Fast, I'm reading Rick Warren's book, The Daniel Plan. I'm also working through the accompanying journal/workbook. My goal in doing the fast is to get into better shape physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

Past that, I'm planning to read and journal through the entire Bible. I'm praying that God shows me Himself in such a real way this year as I dig deeper into His Word. 

And the last area of my life I'm choosing to change is how busy I am. Between my responsibilities in work, church, family, and home, I stay pretty busy. 

I have a hard time saying "no." I don't want to let anyone down, so I'm always one of the first to volunteer. I go out of my way to get something when not even necessary. I put myself out to do things requested, but not required. 

I do a lot and am always on the go. I rarely slow down. So I'm choosing to make a change in that this year. I am going to purposefully slow down sometimes, take time for me. I'm going to read (for fun). I'm going to find ways to relax. I'm going to find ways to rest.

So how's this apply to me getting in better spiritual health?

I'm going to choose to rest in God. I'm going to take time to get away from the hustle and bustle of life - even if that means staying right at home.  I'm going to take time to retreat and...

* rest

* be quiet

* listen to God.

The Serenity Prayer says, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I'm choosing to incorporate this prayer into as much of my life as possible throughout this coming year. 

I'm going to learn to accept what I cannot change and change what I can. 

I'm going to get into better shape...

...physically,

...emotionally, 

...spiritually.