My First Love

Revelation 2:1-7 contains a letter, from Jesus, to the church in Ephesus. 



In the letter, Jesus listed both positives and negatives.

 He started by complimenting the church. They've patiently endured. They've stood against false teachers. They've toiled and have not grown weary.

But then He faults the church for straying from their first love. 

Who was this first love?

1 John 4:19 says, "We love because He first loved us." 

At one point, the church in Ephesus was full of zeal for their Savior. They embraced salvation as they loved because He first loved them. It was this joy that led the church to recognize the genuine goodness of their salvation - of which, they were able to recognize due to their former lives in sin. Because of God's love for the church in Ephesus, they were "made alive in Christ," because they had left behind their lives of being "dead in sin." Their new life was clearly evident by their incredible passion for the One who saved them, which they shared with those around them.

So anywho - Back to Revelation 2:1-7.

Remember... He commended them for the good they'd done. But at the same time, Jesus gave the church a warning. They were in danger of straying from Him altogether. In verse 7, He says, "He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says." Jesus was warning them to rekindle the love they once had for Him.

So what's the point of this post?

I meet with a few co-workers each week for a Bible Study. And this past week, we were discussion Revelation 2:1-7. And per usual... I've read this passage many many times. But something about it stuck with me this time. 

Y'all, I still love Jesus with all my heart.

My job is in ministry. 

I am a missionary.

I haven't turned my back on God.

But when I read about the church of Ephesus letting their hearts grow cold, forgetting their first love... When I read verses 2 and 3 of this passage... Well, y'all - I felt as if I'd been hit by a ton of bricks.

I felt like God was speaking to me, saying

Elisabeth, I know your works.
I've seen you toil and patiently endure.
I know you've bear for my name's sake.

 Now, I haven't encountered false witnesses or anything like that. But I have encountered difficult situations and conversations over the past 7 months. I have encountered those who don't believe in Jesus, who have wanted to fight against me because of the stance I have taken for the individuals in my care. 

After Bible Study was over and I was home by myself, I said to God...

This isn't about me.
I haven't been very patient about this.
And I have most definitely grown weary in this.
Surely, you've made a mistake.

And this is where everyone should be laughing at my ridiculousness in telling God that He must have made a mistake. 

Anywho - I digress.

God says again...

Elisabeth, I know your works. 
You love me. 
You have kept my commands.
You've endured much so you could do what I've called you do do.

And then came the punch in the gut question.


Have you forgotten me, your first love?

You still don't trust me completely.

Why? Have you forgotten all I've done?
Have you forgotten how far it's come?
Have you forgotten all the blessings I have given you?

And as I literally cried out to God, I realized something.

I'm a bit of a control freak. 
Shocking, I know.

I like to know what's happening and at what time.

I'm a planner.

I don't like confrontation.

I don't like difficult conversations.

I don't like having the control taken away from me.

So for me to give complete, 100% control over to God is scary.

So, in this situation, I simply have not done that. I have continued to keep a tight grip on the control of this situation. Any time something new would develop, I would ask God to help me get through it. But I would still hold on to it. I have never given it all, completely, to him. 

And when you're almost constantly worrying over a certain situation, it is exhausting. And yes, mental/emotional exhaustion is a real thing.

Because in the process of holding on to the situation, worrying over the What ifs and more, I have allowed myself to grow weary.

I had forgotten all the times He'd rescued me and cared for me.

I'd forgotten all the times He had answered my prayers. 

I'd forgotten all the many ways He's blessed me over the years.

And as I realized last night, I was allowing myself to start to pull away, even if just ever so slightly, from my first love - Jesus.

So as I re-read Jesus's words to the church in Ephesus, I reminded myself that just as He had grace for that group of people all those years ago...

 Jesus also has grace for me. 

Because no matter how weary I've become... 

No matter how long I've held on too tightly to that control...

He still has grace for me.

He still loves me.

And I will change.

I have not fully strayed from my first love.

But I also haven't given Him full control of the worrisome/painful situations.

I will do better

I will stop holding onto control of events in my life.

But I will do better. 

I will remember all the good He's done for me.

I will remember His blessings.

I will remember His love.

I will give Jesus complete control of every single aspect of my life. From the easy parts to the "stressful" parts. No matter what, I will turn over every single part to Him, the one who loves me like no other. 

I will go back to my first love.